My husband is getting ready to go to Iraq. What am I suppose to feel. Sad? Scared? Worried? One or all of the above? I don't know yet. I am still having mix feelings about it all. I know he will be on a base, but there is still that danger waiting in the shadows, just wanting to show it's ugly face to reveal itself. I have nightmares everynight about what might happen. I barely sleep and I barely eat now. Afraid of what might!
His family was here visiting for a short while to see us and things were fine til everyone except his mom left. She and I get along, but she doesn't know where he is going. She thinks he is going to Germany to keep her calm for my sanity, but everyone else knows the truth. The entire time she was here I wanted to tell her the truth, but I couldn't. I promise my husband and I will never brake, but what if something happens to him? I will be doing some serious explaining to do. Even our children don't know. So they won't slip up and tell Grandma. Lies, everytime I lie I hear a naggy voice in my head shouting " LIER!!!!" I put on my headphones, turn up the volume on my cd player to drown it out, but it never goes away.
I hope and pray he comes home safe, so I don't have to reveal the truth in the worst way.
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