Disappointed!

I did not have what some may call a happy childhood.  My brother was in and out of trouble as far back I can remember. I recall the many times the police was at the house because he and my dad got into fights. I remember the shouting in the house between my mother, my father, and my brother.  I used to hide in my closet or run down the  street to my best friend's house to avoid the shouting, the door slamming, and name calling that was going on.  I was embarrassed to leave the house because it seems everyone knew was went on at home. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact with anyone because I was afraid to let my pain show through.

  I learned to be independent at a young age.  I never asked for anything I knew my parents couldn't afford or asked for things that I know I didn't need.

I would take my lunch money, save it for what I needed, and didn't eat anything until I got home afterschool.  I never asked for help with my homework and if I did have any trouble with it, I waited til the next day and got to that class early to get the help I needed.  

     When it came time to get my High School ring, my parents told me if I wanted to get one, I had to get a job to pay for it. So, my Junior year of high school I got a part time job.  I would come home from school around 3pm, drop my books off in my room, change for work, run across Independence Blvd dodging traffic, waited tables til 11pm, run back across Independence  Blvd, stay up til 1 am doing my homework, and go to bed to start a new day of the same routine.  All of the money I earned went to my ring.  When I finally got done paying for it, it was truly mine! 

After I was married and we started our family, my husband and I never once asked a whole lot from our families. When things got tight financially, we never asked for help. We barely asked my parents to watch the boys and when we did the few times we asked, we always rushed to pick them up so we didn't over stay their welcome. When my husband was underway and I was in school, I tried not to ask for too help because the boys were my responsibility and no one else's.

Yesterday, mother tells me she was dissappointed that I was too independent growing up and didn't ask a lot from either of them. That hurt.

I thought it was a good thing to be independent.  I always thought it was how you grew up and learned to be your own person.

I guess you can't make everyone happy.

A Year of Highs and Lows......

It has been a little over a year since i last posted.  Please bear in mind that memory is a bit on the rusty side....

     Well, I was going to the OB/GYN about female issues I was having.  I had told him everything going on with me and how miserable i was feeling.  After 2 ultrasounds and the doctor listened to the problems i was having and my fear of having a hysterectomy, he explained their was a new technique out that would make everything i was going through a whole lot better.  It is Called ThermaChoice and it is a Uterine Ablation.  A miracle!!!!  He explained how the procedure is done, the risks, and the recovery time.  Let's just say it was well worth it, compared to a hysterectomy.  Less recovery time and a lot less risks.  He started a battery of blood tests and got me scheduled in for my procedure. I did all the research i could on this procedure and saw a lot of positive feedback from other women who had it..  I had made the right choice.... 

        So, on August 26, hubby and I got to Albemarle Hospital around 7 a.m. for my procedure.  I was scared!  I hate being under anesthesia.  Plus, i was hungry and itching for the cup of coffee my husband was drinking in front of me.  I just wanted to smack it out of his hand and say "IF I CAN'T HAVE ANY, NEITHER CAN YOU.!!!!", but i didn't..   I was going to nice and suffer in silence.. LOL!!!!   After doing my paperwork and getting me into the outpatient area.   I felt even more uneasy.   I got into the wonderful hospital attire(open-back gown, socks, and scrub cap).   I was feeling real sexy.  NOT!  Then they started my I.V. and it hurt.  I guess years of being jabbed with a needle doesn't help at all.  Then, the waiting began.  A nurse came  20 minutes later and administered a pregnancy test and a drug test.  They both were negative. Well Duh!!!    I could have told her that.  Then waited some more..    As I was wheeled into the O.R., a shiver ran down my spine and all the "what ifs" started to go through my mind,but I pushed them aside as they were putting me under.  When I woke up in recovery, I was starving and in so much pain.  They gave me a soda to bring up my sugar levels up because I was feeling light-headed and  groggy.  About a half hour later, i was taken back in an outpatient room to get dressed and go home.   Before I was released to go home, they gave a Vicodin.  I took it, but i didn't like the way i felt afterwards.  The "groggy" feeling.  The upset stomach that came after the affects of the medicine wore off.  Well, apparently they gave my husband a prescription to get me more in case i was in any pain.  I only had one out of the bottle and flushed the rest down the toilet.  I never wanted one of those horrible things ever again.  It was Aleve after that one!!!!   Now a year later, I am having shorter and lighter days!!!  If I could, I'd recommend this procedure to anyone else with the same problem.!!!!

                So in October-November, Hubby waited for word from GD, about the job he applied and was hired for..  We had wait on the HR Department to get back to him about salary offer.  Luckily, during this time he was employed in the same building  with Q.E.D. while we waited.  Finally, he got it.  He started at a new company with great pay and some overtime.  Things were finally looking up and promising.  The only thing that hard was the stress that came with this new job.  The early days and the occasional half Saturday that he had to work.  Then, came the Government Sequestration.  Around February, the tension in the house was thick as fog.  Then in March, he came home with a letter informing the employees of possible layoffs starting in June-July time.  He started going through the jobs ads again.  We saved what we could.  Pinched pennies and cut corners as much as we could.  Then, two weeks later another letter went out saying to disregard the last letter that was sent out.  We dodged a bullet then... 

 At least that's what we thought....
 
       On May 24th (on my birthday), i got a phone call from the school to inform me that Munchkin had caught with an illegal substance.   I could not believe it.  I got in my JEEP and put the the peddle to the metal.  I was RED with anger and disappointment.  I have always taught my boys right from wrong, but I know there is temptation everywhere.  I called his father to let him know what was going on.  I could hear the disbelief in his voice.  When i got the school, i was determined to keep my wits about me, but then the memory of my brother's past came to mind.  I started to cry and as i was walking up the stairs with the Asst. Principle, I wondered, "where did i fail as a parent?"When we got to her office, there he was sitting in a chair directly in front of her desk crying.  He knew what did was wrong..  She explained everything in detail....   That he'd bought from one of the boys in his A.F.J.R.O.T.C  class and the Resource Officer caught wind of what went down..  Apparently, he was one of 5 students that had bought from the boy.  I finally looked him in eyes and asked,"WHY?"  He wanted to fit in.  I told him that is not how you fit in.  You be yourself and not as others want you to be.  He confessed that the boy had pressured him into buying and wouldn't leave him alone about it..  He took the money for it out of his bank in our room and bought.  I ask him, why he didn't tell someone he was trying to sell it to you.  He was afraid.  He did confess who sold to him and he didn't possess a lighter. so there was wasn't evidence he was going to use it.  He was suspended the last two weeks of school.  He was able to return to school  for his final exams.  When we got home, he gave me his Kindle, his handheld gaming console, and deleted his profile on the computer.  He sat in his room crying and reflecting on what he did.  After I calmed down, I went to him and held him.  I wept with him.  Eventually, hubby came home, went to the boys' room ,and talked to him about what happened.  He emerged an hour later and said, "there was no need to punish him any further because he was punishing himself over this."  We told him that we still loved him and hopefully he'll think about his actions next time.  So, after he finished is exams, we had a meeting at the School Board to find out whether he could return to school the following school year.  After we answered all the questions from the Head of the Board, his Asst Principle read a statement from herself and the Principle of the High School.  Stating "he did turn over the of the individual selling the pot and that he was forthcoming with any information pertaining to the situation" and she also read statements from his teachers, stating how well behaved he is in their classes and well mannered he is.  We waited to hear the decision.  It seemed like a month.  Finally, they came in a week later.  He was only suspended the first 8 days of school.  Next, was to hear from the Juvenile Court for what seemed like an eternity.  The court councilor recommeneded since he was a minor and no other infractions, he drew up angreement of sorts.  If he mantains a "B" in all his classes, doesn't possess and buy illegal substances, does not get any "ISS's" or ''OSS's", and attends Project Uplift til December, he will not be put on probation.   We do get a call from them once a month to see how he is doing.  I think he has learned a very hard lesson..!!!!!  

Hubby lost his position he has hired for because his boss felt he wasn't doing his job up to par. What a bunch of poo! It was just his boss wanted things done his way and bypass new protocols, procedures, and guidelines. There was a silverlining though, his was moved to the planning department with his pay not changing  any!  At least he still has his job.  

So, there it is. The roller coaster called "my life" this year!