My Life in motion....

I haven't written in a while. So, please bear with me. After hubby got home after doing a 4 month deployment, everything seemed to be getting back to normal.. Kids adjust to dad's return, hubby home every night for dinner, packing his lunch every morning as I get the boys ready for school. After the boys got out of school for the summer, we all went to MI to visit his family for a week. After that, it was back to work for him and for me, my days filled with screaming teenage boys and them whining "I'm bored". Then came news that hubby was going to deploy again for possibly 10 months.. Great!!! We went to visit my family in the Shenandoah Valley for our annual "Family Reunion". Had a blast, but what lingered about my head was " He might not be home for this next year". As the boys were getting ready for a new year for school, word came. Hubby was given the news that he deploys for Germany for 6 months. Plus, he will be retiring at the end of July 2011. YES!!!!! A light at the end of the tunnel. Anyway, as my husband departed for his deployment, everything was going ok. The usual things went on, boys getting in trouble at school, them fighting like cats and dogs wit each other, and me losing my mind with the usual stuff. Hubby got a netbook before he left, downloaded Skype, and that is how we are communicating everyday he is gone. Thank God for technology or our phone card bills would be outrageous. Then around the end of September a plan was cooked up by hubs. He had the idea for me and the boys to come and see him in Germany. YES!!!!!! Finally, my chance to travel outside the USA and see a country where hubby has been. So, I got all the paperwork for the for mine and the boy's passports. By the end of the middle of November, we had official passports. Everything was coming together. Found out we were going to travel with the guys going over there. MAC flight. FREE!!!!!!!! Got the paperwork from his command to allow us to travel without hubs. Everything was going smoothly. When the time was closing on the departure date, I had everything ready, Suitcases packed, backpacks packed, and kids excited. So, the day of the flight, got the worst news ever. NO GO!!!!! It seems the Air Force fucked things up and the flight was postponed. Crap. Ok, another flight was available, but it would cut the time with Brian, because he was going to have to leave sooner then he thought, to go somewhere else. So, he mention leaving the boys with Grandma. She was ok with it, but i thought about, but I didn't think it would be fair to them if I left them behind when they were too excited to go. It was a hard decision, but i had to think about them and their feelings. I told Brian what I decided and it ended up hurting hubby. I feel like the scum at the bottom of a pond on a hot summer's day. The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt anyone I love. It's bad enough i have to upset kids here and now 1 hurt love of my life 2,000 mile away. Now, he is sick as a dog and all I want to do is take care of him. Why Me?????