Disappointed!

I did not have what some may call a happy childhood.  My brother was in and out of trouble as far back I can remember. I recall the many times the police was at the house because he and my dad got into fights. I remember the shouting in the house between my mother, my father, and my brother.  I used to hide in my closet or run down the  street to my best friend's house to avoid the shouting, the door slamming, and name calling that was going on.  I was embarrassed to leave the house because it seems everyone knew was went on at home. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact with anyone because I was afraid to let my pain show through.

  I learned to be independent at a young age.  I never asked for anything I knew my parents couldn't afford or asked for things that I know I didn't need.

I would take my lunch money, save it for what I needed, and didn't eat anything until I got home afterschool.  I never asked for help with my homework and if I did have any trouble with it, I waited til the next day and got to that class early to get the help I needed.  

     When it came time to get my High School ring, my parents told me if I wanted to get one, I had to get a job to pay for it. So, my Junior year of high school I got a part time job.  I would come home from school around 3pm, drop my books off in my room, change for work, run across Independence Blvd dodging traffic, waited tables til 11pm, run back across Independence  Blvd, stay up til 1 am doing my homework, and go to bed to start a new day of the same routine.  All of the money I earned went to my ring.  When I finally got done paying for it, it was truly mine! 

After I was married and we started our family, my husband and I never once asked a whole lot from our families. When things got tight financially, we never asked for help. We barely asked my parents to watch the boys and when we did the few times we asked, we always rushed to pick them up so we didn't over stay their welcome. When my husband was underway and I was in school, I tried not to ask for too help because the boys were my responsibility and no one else's.

Yesterday, mother tells me she was dissappointed that I was too independent growing up and didn't ask a lot from either of them. That hurt.

I thought it was a good thing to be independent.  I always thought it was how you grew up and learned to be your own person.

I guess you can't make everyone happy.